A few weeks ago, a video on TikTok gained a lot of attention from the public. The main context of the video talks about the never-ending debate of who should pay on the first date, the guy or the girl? Surprisingly, it reached different kinds of audiences who both agreed and disagreed with different stands and became a highly debated topic on TikTok.
Assuming that some of you may have been on a date, or even if not, for sure this topic has piqued your attention! With that, let’s explore this topic a little further and gain insights from several viewpoints.
"Alpha males love to provide"
This statement has been the basis of most women that men should pay for the first date. As stated in the Greater Good Magazine, researchers asserted that women are most-likely attracted to alpha males who display a dominant role with the confidence to provide for their partners. Women prefer men who are capable of dominance without the behavior of being aggressive and demanding. The act of paying for a meal without showcasing the means of wanting to be in control is a major turn-on for women. Of course, who wouldn't want to be treated like a queen, right?
Aside from providing assurance and satisfaction, this notion has simply paved the way for people to attack men who settle for a 50/50 date, and criticized their ability to provide. Looking at the current generation, this kind of thinking has developed few sexist remarks which prevent the progressiveness of equality and feminism in this generation.
The current generation should be able to eliminate a few expectations from men in romantic settings, such as dating. According to Forbes, social scientists refer to chivalrous actions, such as paying for dates as benevolent sexism, in which provides a notion that women are not capable of supporting themselves and are reliant on men's protection at all times. It will further influence how women think of themselves, and will reinforce the expectations they have regarding the treatment they should receive or not.
It is indeed pretty sexist from a feminist point of view.
"50/50 dates are only acceptable to students"
Generally, there has been no concrete agreement regarding the issue of who should pay for the first date, but for students— it is totally a different topic. Students who date at their age most likely to spend their parents' money, imagine spending a lot for a 2-person meal, but you can't even pay for your own project materials? Embarrassing.
An option to settle for KKB should not even be a discussion when both parties are students. Paying half for the date is the reality for most students, especially those who still receive financial aid from the adults who work for the money!
Not all students are born wealthy. Expectations in dating during teenage years should be lessened as it will only create pressure in the relationship, especially when it comes to financial matters. Spending money on valuable things should be the main focus of students. Overlooking the hardships and effort of the adults who earn that money is a major disrespect. Study first!
"KKB on dates is unfair to women"
As opposed to the idea of KKB during dates, the discussion of equality between both genders is entirely unfair, especially when justifying the KKB dates being beneficial for both parties as they enjoy each others’ company. The Pew Research Center claims that men have more access to high-paying jobs than women. In situations like this, men can only voice out about equality when the opportunities for both men and women are already equal.
With the existence of gender discrimination in the workplace, it lessens the opportunity for women to earn the salary they deserve. Men have more means to earn money, and they are more privileged to pay for the dates due to the opportunities society offers them. The discussion might seem more out of the line from dating but the reality that equality in dating is talked about, it is better to really recognize the root cause of the issue and just not exclude its underlying impact to the current dating issue. Feminism is indeed all about advocating for equal treatment and eliminating discriminatory prejudices about women, with that, it is presented as a new angle that tackles feminism and equality in dating.
From a different perspective, this phrase also conveys the impression that women are dependent on men for little things such as paying for dates because they are unable to support themselves. Yet, the situation differs when the other party really insists on paying for the date, regardless of gender.
What can we learn from this?
Presented arguments regarding who should pay for the dates or succeeding dates is really a great topic to discuss. It includes gender equality, feminism, economic empowerment, and financial stability. Most importantly, dating is situational. Paying for it can depend on the intent of both parties.
Still, opinions about this matter should always include societal issues, even in situations such as dating. It is better to be consistent in contributing to societal change and not just be one of the many people who live their privileged lives while blurting opinions about others like, "pa woke yarn?", "dating lang ang dami na sinali." Such comments are harmful in developing change in our society. Never be that kind of person.
Every situation and people differ from another. Dating is a complex situation that requires effort and energy from both parties, regardless of gender. What can I say? I believe the best option to settle for now is to be open in discussions about this topic, be able to provide a clear argument to justify your beliefs, and openly accept new perspectives about the issue.
Just a little advice, if you can't afford to date, then why date in the first place?
